Have I been doing this wrong the whole time?
How Mastering Anything Means Embracing Your Inner Awkward Learner
Welcome to The Evolving Leader's Guide. Each week, I share one mindset, framework, or toolkit designed to help you become a more effective leader—so you can lead with confidence, inspire your team, and build a career you’re proud of.
This Week’s Tool: The Competence Compass
Let me tell you a secret: you're probably terrible at something right now. And that's not just okay—it's the first step to becoming great.
The Origin Story of Learning
Humans are fascinating creatures. We're the only species that intentionally puts ourselves in uncomfortable situations to get better.
A lion doesn't practice hunting techniques in front of a mirror. A dolphin doesn't watch YouTube tutorials on swimming form.
But we do. We voluntarily sign up for awkward dance classes. We pay money to look silly learning a new language. We deliberately place ourselves in scenarios designed to expose our complete lack of skill.
And there's a method to this madness of voluntary embarrassment.
Psychologists have actually mapped out this journey from novice to master. They call it the four stages of competence.
It's more than just a fancy theory or learning model. It's a roadmap of human potential. A blueprint for transforming from complete novice to unexpected expert.
And this journey? It starts with one radical act: acknowledging how much we don't know.
Stage 1: The Blissful Bubble of Not Knowing (Unconscious Incompetence)
Back in college I worked at a tech center. One of the interview questions students were asked was "on a scale of 1-10, one being a caveman, 10 being Bill Gates, how comfortable are you with a computer?"
Anyone who answered anything above a 5, we knew was either a genius, or knew absolutely nothing about computers.
Spoiler alert: the only student that was actually good with computers rated his knowledge as a 3 out of 10. Everyone else who rated themselves as higher suffered from classic unconscious incompetence.
Unconscious incompetence is the stage where confidence meets complete ignorance. You're dancing like nobody's watching—except everyone is, and they're cringing hard.
New managers think leadership is barking orders. First-time entrepreneurs believe a great idea is all you need to conquer the market.
My favorite examples? New leaders who think managing people is going to be less work than when they were an independent contributor. Or senior executives who believe setting a strategy is all about telling people what to do and then they'll just magically do it.
The Psychology of Incompetence
But why do we start in this blissful state of ignorance? Psychological safety. Our brains protect us from overwhelming complexity. If we saw the full mountain of learning from day one, we'd never start climbing.
The less you know, the more confident you feel.
This cognitive bias, first described by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger in 1999, explains why people with limited knowledge tend to overestimate their abilities.
Essentially, the less capable we are, the harder it is for us to recognize our own incompetence.
This effect gives us the initial courage to try new things, but it also means that true growth involves acknowledging our shortcomings.
Stage 2: The Oh-Crud Moment (Conscious Incompetence)
This is the moment when your blinders come off. You begin to see the massive gap between where you are and where you want to be.
It’s uncomfortable and humbling, but it’s also the first crucial step toward growth.
Acknowledging this gap is what transforms ignorance into awareness and opens the door to true learning.
When I started my first business, I uncovered more and more areas where I needed to improve—not just in coaching, but across the board.
Every day brought a new 'oh-crud' moment, and with it, the creeping sense of imposter syndrome.
I’ve learned to constantly remind myself to take stock of how far I’ve come—to notice the small wins and the areas where I’m making progress.
It’s challenging, because those doubts and fears never fully disappear, but recognizing them as part of the journey makes all the difference.
This discomfort isn’t just a hurdle; it’s a sign that I’m learning and pushing forward. Recognizing and embracing this stage is essential, because only by leaning into the gaps can you actually push forward and grow.
Stage 3: The Deliberate Dance of Learning (Conscious Competence)
Now you're working hard. Really hard. Every skill requires concentration. Every move is calculated.
Think of a pianist reading sheet music, fingers moving carefully. Or a new manager who scripts every team interaction.
You can do the thing, but it demands your full attention. No autopilot. No flow state. Just pure, concentrated effort.
A client of mine, a new manager, shared how they struggled to shift from telling their team what to do to coaching them toward solutions.
At first, every conversation felt stilted and awkward. They began practicing asking coaching questions instead of giving answers, focusing on drawing insights from their team rather than providing solutions outright.
They’d second-guess their phrasing, over-prepare for meetings, and leave interactions feeling drained.
But with time and deliberate practice, they started to notice changes—their team was becoming more engaged, and they were building stronger relationships and trust.
This stage is where most people quit. The effort feels too high. The progress too slow. But here's the secret: this is where real learning happens.
Stage 4: The Flow State of Mastery (Unconscious Competence)
This is the promised land. Skills so integrated they feel like breathing. Experienced leaders who understand team dynamics instantly. Entrepreneurs who can read market shifts like a book.
To outsiders, it looks like magic. But it's actually the result of relentless, often painful practice. You're not thinking about the skill anymore—you're living it.
Consider an experienced mentor guiding their team. They don’t need a script or a checklist anymore; they instinctively know how to ask the right questions, offer the right level of support, and inspire others to step up.
That’s unconscious competence in action.
Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000-hour rule isn't just about time. It's about intentional, focused practice—the kind where you're consistently stretching yourself, making mistakes, and learning from them.
It’s about showing up even when progress feels slow and trusting that each small step builds toward mastery. Moving through these stages with purpose means embracing the messy, nonlinear reality of growth.
The Ultimate Takeaway: Embracing Lifelong Learning
The truth is, the journey through the stages of competence goes far beyond just acquiring skills.
It's about learning how to grow, adapt, and evolve in every area of life—from relationships to personal development to leadership.
Growth rarely happens in comfort. Each awkward moment and each misstep is an opportunity to gather insights and understand what’s needed to take the next step forward.
These moments aren’t failures; they’re the foundation of meaningful progress.
Coach Challenge: Your Competence Mapping
Pick one skill you're currently learning
Identify which competence stage you're in
Write three specific actions to move forward
Share your plan with an accountability partner
The most successful people aren't the most talented. They're the most willing to look stupid while getting better
Embrace the journey. Celebrate the struggle. Your future unconsciously, competent self will thank you.