The Hidden Cost of Being a "Yes" Person
How I Learned That Saying No Actually Means You Care More, Not Less
Welcome to The Evolving Leader's Guide. Each week, I share one mindset, framework, or toolkit designed to help you become a more effective leader—so you can lead with confidence, inspire your team, and build a career you're proud of.
This Week's Tool: The Strategic No Framework
For years, I wore my "yes person" identity like a badge of honor.
Got a last-minute project? Yes, I'll help! Need someone to join another committee? Count me in! Team needs support over the weekend? I'm your person!
I thought saying yes to everything meant I cared more—about my people, my company, my work—than those who set boundaries. In my mind, being selective with commitments was something you could only do if you didn't care as deeply as I did.
My calendar was packed with back-to-back meetings. My to-do list sprawled across multiple apps. I was constantly busy, even if it felt like at the end of every quarter, very little had been done.
But I was helping people, right? Making a difference? Being a team player?
Being a yes person actually served me incredibly well early in my career. I got multiple rewards, promotions, and accolades. My reputation as someone who would always step up and help made me a go-to person across the organization.
But then something shifted.
Despite working harder than ever, I hit a ceiling. I was in a more senior role with bigger responsibilities, but I wasn't making the level of impact my position could enable. I was busy—extremely busy—but not moving the needle on the things that really mattered.
That's when I started studying the leaders making the biggest impact in our organization. I noticed something surprising: they weren't the ones saying yes to everything. In fact, they were incredibly selective with their time and energy.
From watching impactful leaders, I learned an uncomfortable truth: My willingness to help might be the very thing holding me back.
Nobody tells you that every time you say yes to something, you're actually saying no to something else. And at a certain point in your career, success isn't about how much you can do—it's about the significance of what you choose to do.
Let me say that again: Every yes is a hidden no.
In my journey from chronic yes-person to strategic leader, I've discovered there are three specific types of "no" that transform not just your calendar, but your entire leadership impact.
These aren't just about declining meeting invites or pushing back on projects—they're about intentionally choosing where you put your energy so you can make the impact you're actually capable of making. And trust me, learning to master these three no's will change everything about how you lead.
The Three No's Every Leader Needs to Master
Let me break down these three types of "no" that changed my own leadership journey and now help my clients transform theirs. Think of them as your secret weapons against overwhelm and underperformance—tools I wish I'd had years ago when I was saying yes to everything that came my way.
1. The Strategic No
This is the hardest one for high-achievers to swallow: Sometimes you need to say no to good projects so the great ones can thrive.
When my client, “Sarah”, and I first discussed cutting two of her projects, she looked at me like I'd suggested she give up oxygen. "But they're important," she protested.
She wasn't wrong. They were important. But they weren't essential.
After we prioritized her most impactful project, something she almost refused to believe happened: Her team's output actually increased. Why? Because they could finally focus their energy on one clear direction instead of splitting their attention three ways.
Steve Jobs understood this perfectly when he said, "Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things." He wasn't just being dramatic—he was acknowledging that greatness requires ruthless prioritization.
2. The Cultural No
This is where you say no to the silent productivity killers: those "quick sync" meetings that could've been emails, the expectation of instant Slack responses, and the constant context-switching that murders deep work.
These aren't just minor annoyances—they're culture-defining moments. Every time you accept these productivity drains, you're saying no to your team's best work.
One of my clients recently made a bold move: she introduced "Slack-free hours" from 10 AM to noon each day. Her team was skeptical at first—how would they handle urgent issues? What if they missed something important? But she stood firm, explaining that true deep work required uninterrupted focus time.
The results surprised everyone. Not only did productivity increase, but the quality of their Slack communication improved too. People started being more thoughtful about what really needed immediate attention versus what could wait. Best of all? No disasters happened during those quiet hours. The world didn't end because someone took two hours to respond to a message.
3. The Personal No
This is the foundation everything else builds on: setting boundaries around your time and energy. It's also the one leaders struggle with most because it feels selfish.
I recently worked with a client who thought she was being a great leader by always being available. She'd respond to Slack messages at midnight, work through weekends, and never say no to a request for help. Her intention was pure: she wanted to protect her team from overwork by absorbing it herself.
But here's the plot twist: her "sacrifice" was actually hurting her team.
By consistently violating her own boundaries, she wasn't protecting her team—she was sending a clear message that in order to succeed, you needed to erase all work-life boundaries. Her team started feeling guilty for not checking Slack on weekends. They apologized for not responding to 10 PM emails right away. The burnout she was trying to prevent was actually spreading through her whole team.
My client needed a reality check: Burnt-out leaders can't build thriving teams, and poor boundaries are contagious.
Think of it like those airplane oxygen masks. You have to secure your own before helping others. Your energy isn't infinite, and pretending it is doesn't make you a better leader—it makes you a less effective one. More importantly, how you treat yourself sets the unspoken standard for your entire team.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In today's always-on work culture, your ability to say no strategically isn't just nice to have—it's essential for survival.Your impact isn't measured by how much you say yes to—it's how well you deliver on what truly matters.
When I finally started mastering these three no's, it was hard. But it resulted in me feeling less busy, but having a bigger impact. In addition, my team felt more empowered because I wasn't jumping in to solve every problem. And for the first time in months, I felt like I was actually leading instead of just managing crises.
The irony? By doing less, I finally started having the impact I always wanted to have. By saying no more often, I was finally saying yes to the work that mattered most.
Coach Challenge: Your Strategic No Action Plan
This week, I challenge you to:
Identify one project or commitment that's good but not great. How could saying no create space for something better? (strategic no)
List three "cultural drains" in your team. Pick one to eliminate this week. (cultural no)
Set one non-negotiable boundary to protect your energy. Maybe it's no meetings before 10 AM, or protecting Fridays for deep work. (personal no)
Remember: Saying yes is easy. Saying no? That's what makes a leader.
Your career—and your sanity—depend on mastering this skill. So let me ask you: What's one thing you need to say no to this week?