Why your good intentions aren't enough

How to maximize trust by bridging intention and impact

Welcome to The Evolving Leader's Guide. Each week, I share one mindset, framework, or toolkit designed to help you become a more effective leader—so you can lead with confidence, inspire your team, and build a career you’re proud of.

---

This week's tool: Unpacking Intention vs Impact

Let’s start with a story about a team I work with, specifically two senior leaders: Dana and Sam (names changed).

Dana, a senior leader, decided during a budget review to reallocate resources from one department to another without prior notice to the department head, Sam. Dana's intention was to quickly address a critical issue in another part of the organization that needed immediate funding.

Sam, however, felt blindsided by Dana’s actions and thought his team’s work was being undervalued or that Dana was deliberately trying to undermine his team's work.

To Sam, being left out wasn’t just a decision about resources—it felt like a statement about the value of his team's contributions.

Meanwhile, Dana, upon realizing what happened, thought, "I never intended to make Sam feel undervalued. I was just focused on addressing an urgent issue."

Two perspectives. Two truths. But also, two big misunderstandings.

Dana's intention was to address an urgent organizational issue. Sam's perception was that his team’s contributions weren’t valued.

And this, my friends, is where the real disconnect happens: the messy difference between intention and impact.

When Good Intentions Go Bad

When it comes to intentions and impact, we often assume our good intentions should automatically lead to positive outcomes or erase any negative impact.

“I didn’t mean it that way” becomes the line we use to wipe our hands clean of any consequences.

The problem? Intention isn’t magic. It doesn’t undo the sting of our words or actions.

But there’s another side to this, too.

When we’re on the receiving end of an action that affects us negatively, we tend to assume the other person’s intention was negative, even if that wasn't necessarily the case.

And that’s where leadership—true leadership—requires a different approach.

Intentions vs. Impact: How to Lead Differently

If you’re a leader, you’re in the business of people. And people are messy, complex, and full of misunderstandings.

So how do we bridge this gap between intention and impact, especially when tensions are high?

Let’s break down a few strategies.

1. Start with curiosity, not judgment

   Imagine if Sam had taken a moment and asked Dana, "I noticed that the resources were reallocated away from my team without my input. Was there a specific reason why I wasn’t included in the decision?" It would have opened the door for Dana to share her intention—which was not to undermine, but to quickly address a critical issue.

   As a leader, it’s important to approach challenging situations with curiosity rather than judgment. Instead of assuming the worst about someone’s actions, get curious about their intention. It might be very different from what you assumed.

   

2. Acknowledge the impact—regardless of your intention

   This one’s tough. But when you’ve hurt someone, even if it wasn’t your goal, you need to own it. “I’m sorry if you were hurt” doesn’t cut it.
   
   Instead, Dana might say, "I realize reallocating resources without consulting you first may have made you feel undervalued. That wasn't my intention, and I want to make sure we move forward positively."
   

   Notice the difference? It’s not conditional. You’re owning the impact, not trying to excuse it away.
   

3. Be direct, but be human

   Leaders often shy away from direct conversations because they’re worried about the other person’s reaction.
   
   This doesn’t just apply to difficult conversations, but also everyday actions where intentions might be misinterpreted.
   
   Ironically, this avoidance can lead to more harm because it breeds misunderstanding. Being direct doesn’t mean being harsh—it means being honest, while keeping empathy at the forefront.
   

   Think about what you want the other person to take away.
   
   If your intention is for them to improve, support that with kindness and clarity.
   
   For instance, Dana might approach Sam by saying, "I understand my decision to reallocate resources might have made you feel undervalued. I was focused on addressing an urgent issue, but I see now that I should have communicated more clearly. Let's discuss how we can prevent this from happening again and stay aligned moving forward."
   

4. Separate action from person

   It’s easy to fall into the trap of labeling people based on their actions. “Dana is inconsiderate” or “Sam’s just too sensitive” are conclusions that get us nowhere.
   
   Instead, as leaders, we need to focus on actions—what was said or done—and avoid making it personal.
   

   “When the resources were reallocated without my input, I felt undervalued,” is different from, “You’re always undervaluing me.” One addresses an action, the other attacks character.
   
   When you talk about actions, you open the door for change. When you talk about character, you close that door.
   

5. Clarify your own intentions

   Before you walk into a tough conversation, know what you’re hoping to achieve.
   
   Is it to offer constructive feedback? To express your own needs? To understand theirs?
   
   Being clear on your intentions will help you communicate more effectively—and reduce the likelihood of unintended negative impacts.

Bridging the Gap

The difference between intention and impact can feel like an ocean, but it doesn’t have to be.

In the situation with Dana and Sam, they’ve worked with me as a coach to help them recognize and reflect on their impact and intention. Not every team has the benefit of coaching to guide them through these reflections.

Whether someone is in Sam's position or Dana's position, all you can do is control your own actions and the way you show up in those situations.

By showing up with openness, you create the possibility for others to do the same. When we assume good intentions, when we own our impact, and when we approach each other with curiosity instead of judgment, we build bridges.

We make misunderstandings into moments of real connection.

It’s not perfect—people aren’t perfect. But as leaders, our job isn’t to be flawless; it’s to keep showing up, learning, and striving to make our impact match our best intentions.

A Coach’s Challenge

This week, I challenge you to reflect on your own actions and consider where there might be a gap between your intentions and the impact you've had.

Think of a recent situation where your actions might have been misunderstood, and reflect on how you could clarify your intentions in the future.

Look for opportunities to have open conversations, share your reasoning, and acknowledge the impact you've made.

Whether you're in a situation like Dana's or Sam's, focus on how you can show up openly and create an environment where intentions and impact are aligned.

Let's strive to create positive ripples by matching our intentions with the impact we hope to have.